haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
