dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to walk on stilts...naked
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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