I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
