Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
