just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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