Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
