Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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