I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
