Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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