omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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