then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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