I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
