omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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