My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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