did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
