Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
