I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
