I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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