Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
