I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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