If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
