I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize