clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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