i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
