Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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