so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
