I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
