There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize