The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
