YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
