Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
