Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
