First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wear drunk well.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
