We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
