The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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