my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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