I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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