Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
