she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
