Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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