saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
