I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
