How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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