i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
