i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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