Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
