"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
