It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
