oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
