I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
