I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
