If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
