I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
