I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
