1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
