..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
