This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
