Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize