After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
