I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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