Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize