So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Randomize
