I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
