my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
