it hurts more in the daytime
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
