just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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