I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
