New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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