you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
