By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
