so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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