and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
