remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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