You're so nebulous sometimes
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
