I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
