We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
